I work at a mall. I buy people's gold. This is a blog about working at a mall every day and buying gold from people. I meet some characters. I'll say that much.
Rude
Me: (currently with a customer, a man and his son walk up to the booth and stand creepily behind current customer) I’m sorry, sir, it’ll be a few minutes.
Creepy Man: Ok, ok. I don’t care. What are you doing?
Me: Sir, I can explain the process when it’s your turn. It will be a few minutes though. If you wouldn’t mind waiting over there.
Creepy Man: I don’t want to wait for you. Fuck you, you stupid fucking cunt. You rude fucking bitch. I’m not waiting. Come on, son.
(His son, who is about 8 seems totally unphased. They ascend on the elevator and he is still yelling explatives at me.)
Current Customer: Hey man! What the hell is your problem, she didn’t do anything to you! Do you really have to say stuff like that!?
Creepy Man: Fuck you! Fuck you and her! Mind your own fucking business!
Current Customer: This IS my business. It was my transaction!
Me: Sorry about that. Don’t worry about him.
Current Customer: Don’t apologize, that was crazy. People like that make me really angry. Doesn’t it bother you?
Me: Nah, it happens here all the time.
Bag Lady
A woman, wearing a plastic bag on her head just sauntered up to my kiosk, plunked her elbows down on my desk, took a large, crunchy bite out of her ice cream cone and then, with her mouth full of chocolate ice cream, asked me where she could find a book store.
there is no book store in the mall, I told her.
She looked at me with disgust, rolled her eyes, took another bite of ice cream and walked away.
I See People, They’re Everywhere
The funny thing about mall mentality is that even though one is surrounded by tons of people, they tend to think that no one is paying attention to anyone else. People forget that they are extremely visible no matter where they are in a mall. And yet, while they feel like no one is paying attention to them, they are simultaneously neglecting to pay attention to anyone or anything in their surroundings.
A perfect example of this just happened. An older gentlemen who was walking with his family. Slowed his pace and halted momentarily, right in front of my desk, farted and then continued walking. He did not even see me, he thought he was out of sight of everyone, but ended up blowing ass, practically in my face.
And now I am severely grossed out.
Smart People
Man: Hello, I am looking for (reads address of the mall).
Me: Yeah, you’re here.
Man: Where is it? Inside here?
Me: No, you are here. You are at that place.
Man: Which place.
Me: The mall. You are inside the mall, which is the address you just read out loud.
Man: Oh, this is the mall?
Me: Uhhhhhh….yeah. This is the mall.
Man: Oh ok! Good. Where can I find the clothes?
Me: The what?
Man: The clothes.
Me: Where can you find the clothes? Really?
Man: Yes, I would like to buy some clothes.
Me: Um. Well, there are like 10 or 15 stores in here where you can buy clothes. So…..uh………Maybe you should just walk around and go to those stores.
Man: Ok. The stores sell clothes?
Me: Uh. Yeah, almost all of them.
Man: So if I walk around, I will find clothes?
Me: Maybe, you didn’t know you were inside of a mall. So, if you don’t see any clothes within an hour, I would just go home.
Man: Ok, thank you.
Illiterate
Russian Lady: (pulls out piece of paper with something handwritten on it and looks at it) I wonder if you can tell me where is Sprint store?
Me: I’m sorry. I have no idea where that is. There is a directory at the front entrance, right over there.
Russian Lady: I was just there! I don’t find! Plus! I can’t read! What is wrong with you!? I ask you for help and you send me back there, I was just there, I don’t find! I ask you and you don’t help me! You MEAN person you. You are the..the..the…MEANEST PERSON EVER! You mean, mean girl.
Me: Wow, how did you know that I was so mean?
Russian Lady: (walking away) MEAN MEAN AWFUL PERSON.
(comes back 5 minutes later)
Russian Lady: I find it. Shame on you. SHAME SHAME, MEAN GIRL, SHAME.
Me: You and I have very different definitions of mean. Maybe because you can’t read you are using the word incorrectly and don’t know it….Now, THAT was mean. See?
Oh Mic Feedback!
Nothing gets me in the Christmas spirit quite like squealing microphone feedback and low tones tearing through my eardrums.
My head might explode.
Oh god.
There are little children dressed like elves everywhere….and they are setting up speakers and microphones.
Someone please save me. They’re EVERYWHERE!
Dear Movie Review Guy,
I know I only work here 4 days a week. But I walk past you at least 4 times a day on each of those days. And EVERY SINGLE TIME you ask me if I want to check out some movie reviews and give my opinion. I know I don’t have an extremely memorable face or anything but after the 5th time in ONE day of telling you “I’m working,” one could assume that you would remember me. Now, if you could please stop wasting my time AND yours, I would greatly appreciate it.
If you ask me one more time, I WILL punch you in the face.
